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5 Answers to your Whys

Image Description Mariel Abanes   |   13 February 2018


"Kahit ikaw, hindi mo alam anong sagot sa mga bakit mo."

"Bakit?"

Ito na siguro ang pinakamahirap sagutin na tanong when it comes to relationships. This five letters, one word brings a different meaning to each one of us. Pero hindi lang 'to ang dahilan kung bakit mahirap siyang sagutin, kundi dahil madalas, kahit ikaw, hindi mo alam kung anong sagot sa mga 'Bakit' mo.

Pero kahit gaano man kahirap hanapin ang sagot sa iyong mga 'Bakit,' at hindi man masolusyunan ang lahat ng naging problema n'yo sa pagsagot ng mga ito, mas mabuti na rin na at least, may nahanap kang sagot. Nasa isang relasyon ka man ngayon o hindi, for sure ay naitanong mo na ang mga 'Bakit' na ito -- sa sarili mo or sa karelasyon/naging karelasyon mo. Bibigyang linaw nina Cali at Gio ang lima sa pinaka-common 'Whys' of every relationship. Malay mo, nandito ang hinahanap mong sagot.


1. "Bakit ba hindi ako nagsasawang makinig sa mga rason mong paulit-ulit na lang?"

Gio: Dahil mahal mo! At dahil mahal mo, willing kang makinig, give the person the benefit of the doubt, at kung kailangan, magpatawad.

Cali: There's obviously something  wrong if he keeps making the same excuses and worse, you're just accepting it and believing them. Wake up before you get too deep in the relationship based on lies and wishful thinking!


2. "Bakit kailangang malayo ka muna sa  isang tao bago mo makita ang worth niya?"

Gio: Human nature ata talaga 'yan to realize you had something good only when it's not there anymore. Ang tao kasi, hindi nakukuntento -- we always want more. Ang because of that, ang nagiging focus natin when we're in a relationship is hanapin kung ano 'yung kulang, 'yung mali, 'yung hindi maganda. Pero pag mag-isa na tao, saka lang nagsi-sink in ang lahat. Ang only then do you figure out that what you had was good, and maybe the best ever.

Cali: Ay naku, andaaaaaaaaming mga taong ganito! They would do something stupid and when they lose you, mare-realize nila na they just didn't do something stupid, they were also stupid for risking losing you. Girl, pro-tip -- don't give your heart away so easily the next time around!


3. "Bakit ganyan ang pag-ibig, ang daming kailangang pagdaanan bago mo makamit ang tunay na kaligayahan?"

Gio: Usually, 'yung mga bagay na madaling nakukuha, madaling mawala. Pero 'yung sobra mong pinaghirapan, mas pinahahalagahan at pinag-iingatan mo. Lahat gagawin mo to make sure that you never lose it.

Cali: Ah. Theodore Roosevelt said, "Nothing worth having comes easy." That's what makes the quest for "the one" exciting. You have to deal with the pain of meeting a few wrong people para pagdating ng right person, you are better and stronger.


4. "Bakit palaging may katumbas na sakit pag umiibig?"

Gio: Sabi nga dun sa isang movie, if you can't feel pain, it isn't real. 'Yung sakit na nararamdaman mo kapag umiibig, 'yun ang magpapatatag sa'yo. That will serve as your guide in facing more painful experiences in life.

Cali: Pain and love go hand in hand. Whenever you choose to love someone, you give that person the opportunity to cause you pain.


5. "Bakit ayaw mong maniwalang nag-iisa ka lang sa aking puso at 'di na maghahanap pa ng iba?"

Gio: Mahirap makuha ang tiwala ng isang tao lalo na kung may malungkot o masakit siyang pinagdaanan. Nahihirapan siguro siyang magtiwala uli kasi ilang beses na siyang nasaktan. Pero kaya ka nga andyan, para patunayan sa kanya na iba ka. Andyan ka para burahin ang doubts niya at para maniwala siya ulit na meron pang mga natitirang loyal na tao sa mundong 'to. Just be patient and never give up.

Cali: Simple -- hindi mo siya mapapaniwala dahil hindi mo siya binibigyan ng dahilan para magtiwala. If you do not deal with us in an open and honest manner consistently, mahihirapan kaming maniwala na Mr. Stick-to-One ka. If you're really not doing anything wrong, we will eventually see that you're telling the truth.


Answer more of your 'Whys' in the book, My Ex & Whys, published by ABS-CBN Publishing Inc.


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