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How relevant is the past in your relationship?
NoInk | 10 October 2017
In the start of relationships, we’re always keen on finding out what our partner was up to before we came into their lives and graced them with our presence.
We ask probing questions that start from innocent slam-book type of Q’s to really intimate details that almost seem like trick questions—from favorite dessert, to favorite movie, and later on you ask about their last relationship/s—why those ended, who was at fault, who broke up with whom, what were they like back then, etc.
This is when those red flags start popping up. This is when you find out about those indiscretions, those deal breakers, and those little things that could become the big things. Every detail revealed takes you closer to the point of no return. Just kidding. Sort of.
What if you find out your boyfriend was once a cheater? What if you find out she slept around (maybe even with some people in your circle)? This is when you decide if you really want to be with this person or not.
Everyone has a past. Everyone is the sum total of the pieces of people they’ve met and situations they’ve experienced, and if you found this person interesting enough to date, then whatever it took to get them this way shouldn’t be a deterrent to love them.
If anything, those experiences are the reasons why they are the way they are. They have helped shape the kind of person worthy to catch your attention. All the things that have happened in their life had led them to find you at the exact moment they did.
So how relevant is the past? Not much. It’s only relevant if people repeat their mistakes in the present and refuse to evolve into better people.
Should you start doubting them for cheating on their partner before you? Of course not. Should you run the opposite direction because they were immature and selfish and whatever else they were before they met you? Not really. You shouldn’t discredit them for whatever happened in their past because we are all 3 persons in this life—who we were, who we are, and who we will become.
Their exes? They’re just that, exes. They weren’t the right ones. But you could be. If you decide to give it a chance.