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Why I Don’t Care that My Girlfriend’s Friends Don’t Like Me
NoInk | 10 October 2017
Every new couple will go through the usual milestones. Of course there’s the dating part, which is extremely exciting. You get to go to different places, experience new things, probably go to new joints as you’re still putting both of your best feet forward. So you want to stay “current” and fun.
And then you get to know each other a little more and have cozier dates as you discover she’s not actually the bar-type of person, but rather a coffee shop junkie or a wine drinker. Or that he’s not big on watching movies and would rather just watch TV on the sofa. Which are okay too.
Then once you feel you’ve gotten a good sense of who each other is, and you’re more confident about your feelings for each other, you move on to introducing each other to your friends and family. You hold your breath and pray they like them too.
Then they don’t. At least not all of them.
And let me tell you, it’s not a good feeling. It’s one of the worst feelings, TBH.
When I found out that my girlfriend’s friends don’t like me, I felt so bad, so angry, that I didn’t know how to handle it. I think I’m a pretty decent guy. I’m average to good-looking. Not to toot my own horn there, but suffice it to say, I’m not bad-looking (not that it should matter to them). I have a good job, in a great company, earning a good salary (not that it should matter to them either). I’m a better catch than my girlfriend’s ex, at least we both think so (not that they can or should really compare us). I come from a good family, I have grounded values, and I keep awesome company.
But most of all, I’m so in love with their friend, I make her happy, take care of her, and would do anything to keep it that way. Which, if you think about it, should really be all they need to know.
So why don’t they like me? I asked myself several times.
It could’ve been something I said in one conversation. Or how I said it. Or what I didn’t say. Or how I didn’t say it. It could’ve been one cough, one sigh, one yawn that signaled I was sleepy in the middle of a night out. It could’ve been a shirt I wore, unfashionable shoes, or maybe I ordered the wrong drink.
Maybe I didn’t drink enough. Maybe I ate too much. Laughed too little.
It could’ve been anything.
I felt so conscious every time I was around them. And every time after, I felt exhausted, not to mention upset because some would be downright rude to me. They didn’t really hide the fact that they probably wished I wasn’t there. So, I resolved to not go to their things after that.
Do I wish I was invited? Of course. But do I want to be around people who clearly didn’t want to be around me? Of course not.
I felt bad for my girlfriend because she was in the middle of everything. She had to balance both sides and all that. Which is why I subjected myself to feeling unwelcome the first few times hanging out with them.
But it came to the point where I had to put my foot down. I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I realized that they weren’t the only ones who could do the “judging”.
They might think I’m not good enough by their standards, but theirs wasn’t the only standards not being met here.
The real you, if you believe in your goodness, your authenticity, will always rise to the surface. You can’t keep someone’s light from shining no matter how dark the skies get.
Their judgment of me was more telling of their character than mine. And once I realized that, I stop wondering. I stopped caring.
Why? Because my girlfriend wouldn’t be with me if I wasn’t a good person. My girlfriend would defend me if needed. My girlfriend knows who I am, what I have to offer, and if I’m good enough for her, nothing else matters.
If by any miracle, they manage to open up their minds about the idea of me and give themselves a real chance to get to know me, then good. I would appreciate that. But my existence (in my girlfriend’s life or in general) is not determined by their acknowledgement of it or not.
People will always have a say in your life and what they think you should do with it. But ultimately, the things that make your life yours are your choices.
And if you’re lucky enough to be someone’s choice for a partner, then you’re probably doing something right.